I get home from work at 7:30 this morning to find my 3 year old son cuddled up in the recliner, clutching his "blue blankie" and his "spider-man blankie." He's recently discovered that he does not have to stay in his room until we come get him. And, so far, he doesn't seem to realize the mischief he could cause before we find out he is awake. So, here he is, cuddled up and waiting patiently. The dog is loose in the living room and, because we keep him locked in our room with us at night, this would have me think that my husband is awake and getting ready. Further investigation proves otherwise. The light is on in our bedroom, my daughter is sleeping soundly in her bassinet, and my husband is snoring softly with a pillow over his face. I gather my pajamas and softly close the door.
I ask Mason, "Honey, did you let the dog out of our room?"
He nods.
"And did you turn the light on in our room?"
Another nod.
"But you didn't wake up Daddy?"
"No, Mom. You weren't sleeping! (he sounds distressed.) I went to sleep last night (which he pantomimes by folding his hands under his head) and I woke up, and you were still at the doctor's and working and fixing people. And then I started crying because I missed you." His voice cracks, he pouts, and he covers his face with the blue blankie.
And my heart breaks. Just a little. Just enough. I had a terrible time going back to work after my daughter was born. With Mason, it wasn't so bad - he was a crabby, colicky baby, and though I hated to leave him, I knew he was going to cry either way. Then, with my daughter, I got to thoroughly enjoy my time with both of them. Madison has been a happy, easygoing baby, and Mason is just fun. His imagination and the things he comes up with are amazing to me. Spending 12 weeks with them, on a normal, day shift schedule, made me realize the time I'm missing out on. The time I won't get back. And I was determined to, if not completely stay home, at least find a way to go part-time. To get on a normal day shift schedule, and be home in the evenings, and on the weekends.
Madison is now 8 months old and I am still working full-time midnights. A few part-time spots became available but they didn't seem feasible at the time. Then my husband got a raise, but we still are unsure what to do about insurance if I lose mine by going part-time. And the part-time opportunities have passed, at least for now. And I have to admit, it's nice being comfortable right now. We don't really have to worry about much. And we are hoping to sell our house this year and move into something bigger. And we'd like a camper. And there's just always something.
And in the midst of all those meaningless somethings, there is my son's voice, saying "I cried because I miss you." There is my daughter, attempting to crawl for the first time. How did material desires become more important than these moments and memories? These soft baby snuggles, and brief hugs from my whirlwind little boy - I have such a short time to enjoy them. There will always be time for things. I need to remember what is important now.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Spring is in the air
We don't get much of a spring here in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. It's one of the things I still miss about living downstate. To me, March means trees blooming, birds singing, and finally being able to get back outside. You'd think that after living in the U.P. for 11 years I'd be used to this all being delayed until May (no joke) but it's still hard.
And then, yesterday, it happened. In the midst of all of this . . .
There! Do you see it? Bottom picture, a small dark spot . . .
GRASS!!! I know it's not much, but it's enough to give me hope. It was close to 40 degrees yesterday so while my son "dug for worms" in the snow, I attacked the thick ice still coating our walkway and driveway. I'm that much closer to wearing flip-flops. Though they may look a little silly with the snowpants . . .
And then, yesterday, it happened. In the midst of all of this . . .
There! Do you see it? Bottom picture, a small dark spot . . .
GRASS!!! I know it's not much, but it's enough to give me hope. It was close to 40 degrees yesterday so while my son "dug for worms" in the snow, I attacked the thick ice still coating our walkway and driveway. I'm that much closer to wearing flip-flops. Though they may look a little silly with the snowpants . . .
Monday, March 18, 2013
Doing it right
I've had a vague idea for an epic crochet project floating around in my head for about a year now, and last month I finally took the steps toward making it a reality. I'd been inspired by a Mario-obsession blanket by Gegecrochet (www.gegecrochet.blogspot.com) and wanted to make something similar for my husband for his 30th birthday.
I began searching images of Mario, but was having some difficulty. I'd grown up playing Super Mario World for the SNES, not for the original Nintendo. I found, however, that images from the SNES version that I so love are too detailed and don't convert well to a crochet pattern. It just wasn't working for me. So, I texted my husband, "What do you think is cooler, Mario or Zelda?" And he answered back, "Zelda, of course." It was the answer I'd been hoping for, and the ideas started flowing.
I'd never graphed out my own crochet pattern before, and my experience with Tunisian crochet was pretty limited. I got the hang of it pretty quickly though, and after hours squinting at little tiny images of Zelda characters (before realizing if I brought those same images up on my iPad, they were much easier to zoom in on) I ended up with a pattern for a 6 foot by 7 foot epic afghan of Zelda-amazingness.
Now, the only problem is that I have no time whatsoever to actually work on this project. I work 12 hour midnights, and off-time consists mostly of taking care of my kiddos, cleaning, grocery shopping, and doing all that other stuff that piles up while you're at work. And with all the color changes, I need so many skeins of yarn hooked up to this project at once that I can't bring it anywhere. I did find these amazing totes from Mary Maxim that help keep my skeins separated, but they are much too large to bring anywhere discretely.
So, I just had 2 weeks of vacation, and I pictured myself crocheting the days away and making huge progress on this project. We went to Kentucky to visit some family, and I started one of my larger panels on the way down there. It's the Triforce, and is 120 stitches wide and 120 stitches tall. With the color changes the most skeins I need at once are 5, so it's one of the more portable panels I have to make. I worked on it the whole way down, and the whole way back north again - it was a good 10 hours or so of crocheting. At about row 16 I realized that there was a flaw in my graph, and there was a better way to do it. But I told myself no, it will be fine, and kept crocheting. At about row 30 I thought, wow, I'm not sure about this, but again told myself it would be fine and kept on. When we finally made it back home I was on row 51, and I asked my husband his opinion. This is what I had to show him.
He didn't even have to say a word - the pity in his eyes spoke volumes enough. I said, "I knew it. I'm going to have to rip it apart." He protested half-heartedly, citing all the work I'd put into it already. But I could never be happy with this long term. It would bother me forever if it wasn't done right. So, an hour later, this is what I had.
It absolutely killed me. I know I'm not going to get another 10 hours of straight crocheting any time soon. When I made my original graph for this panel, it looked great. But each square was 6 stitches. So what I didn't realize was that, instead of going up 12 and over 6, I could go up 2 and over 1, and end up with a much smoother angle. Sort of a lowest common denominator thing. It was March 8th that I tore it all apart, and as of March 14th I was back up to row 43, and very, very happy with the results.
See how much better that is? I'm so glad that I sucked it up and did it right. I would never have been happy with the results otherwise. As of last night I surpassed the rip-out point too - I'm back up to row 54. And it's easier than ever because I finally found a Bates crochet hook in the size I needed with a cable on the end. My fingers were really getting sore trying to cram all those stitches onto a regular afghan hook. I'm really glad that I realized the problem on this panel, too, rather than one of the more complicated ones with many more color changes. I can adjust the rest of my patterns accordingly and not make the same mistake twice. I'm still not sure this project will be done in time for my husband's birthday in May, but whenever he does get it, it will be done the very best I can.
I began searching images of Mario, but was having some difficulty. I'd grown up playing Super Mario World for the SNES, not for the original Nintendo. I found, however, that images from the SNES version that I so love are too detailed and don't convert well to a crochet pattern. It just wasn't working for me. So, I texted my husband, "What do you think is cooler, Mario or Zelda?" And he answered back, "Zelda, of course." It was the answer I'd been hoping for, and the ideas started flowing.
I'd never graphed out my own crochet pattern before, and my experience with Tunisian crochet was pretty limited. I got the hang of it pretty quickly though, and after hours squinting at little tiny images of Zelda characters (before realizing if I brought those same images up on my iPad, they were much easier to zoom in on) I ended up with a pattern for a 6 foot by 7 foot epic afghan of Zelda-amazingness.
Now, the only problem is that I have no time whatsoever to actually work on this project. I work 12 hour midnights, and off-time consists mostly of taking care of my kiddos, cleaning, grocery shopping, and doing all that other stuff that piles up while you're at work. And with all the color changes, I need so many skeins of yarn hooked up to this project at once that I can't bring it anywhere. I did find these amazing totes from Mary Maxim that help keep my skeins separated, but they are much too large to bring anywhere discretely.
He didn't even have to say a word - the pity in his eyes spoke volumes enough. I said, "I knew it. I'm going to have to rip it apart." He protested half-heartedly, citing all the work I'd put into it already. But I could never be happy with this long term. It would bother me forever if it wasn't done right. So, an hour later, this is what I had.
It absolutely killed me. I know I'm not going to get another 10 hours of straight crocheting any time soon. When I made my original graph for this panel, it looked great. But each square was 6 stitches. So what I didn't realize was that, instead of going up 12 and over 6, I could go up 2 and over 1, and end up with a much smoother angle. Sort of a lowest common denominator thing. It was March 8th that I tore it all apart, and as of March 14th I was back up to row 43, and very, very happy with the results.
See how much better that is? I'm so glad that I sucked it up and did it right. I would never have been happy with the results otherwise. As of last night I surpassed the rip-out point too - I'm back up to row 54. And it's easier than ever because I finally found a Bates crochet hook in the size I needed with a cable on the end. My fingers were really getting sore trying to cram all those stitches onto a regular afghan hook. I'm really glad that I realized the problem on this panel, too, rather than one of the more complicated ones with many more color changes. I can adjust the rest of my patterns accordingly and not make the same mistake twice. I'm still not sure this project will be done in time for my husband's birthday in May, but whenever he does get it, it will be done the very best I can.
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